Television: A Parenting Gift - Or a Curse? - Wakefield, MA Patch

Holly DeSouzaMy daughter is an only child. As much as I would love to have the time to occupy her 24/7, it is not feasible. Although there are days I feel I am more of a social director for the under 4’ tall crowd, I do have other responsibilities outside of playing Barbies or dress up or veterinarian to a group of constantly sick and quickly recovering stuffed animals. Because there is no one else actually breathing who is here during the days to play with her, Lexi sometimes gets bored and lonely. And, because I am not going to have another baby simply to give my daughter a constant play date, I need to give her something to occupy her and keep her engaged in the times I can’t be.

Yes, I am one of “those” mothers who uses the television as a babysitter. And, yes, she has a television in her bedroom. She also has her own laptop. But no, I do not apologize for it. 

Let me explain. She is only 4 years old. She does NOT have unsupervised time in her bedroom. She is not hooked up to cable while I blindly trust she is not watched rated R movies for hours on end. She can only watch DVDs which I provide her with and she is only watching cartoons or educational flicks.  When she is online, she can only go to Nick.com or sesamestreet.com and does not have access to those sites without myself or my husband directing her there.

In response to the question this week, I did a lot of researching and googling studies to support claims televisions and/or computers in children’s bedrooms will make my child suffer. I found a lot of studies to support the theories it will hinder her family time, make her obese, make her suffer in school, etc. These studies were done with children who are older and who are seemingly not properly supervised as they are watching TV or online for an average of nine hours per day. Nine hours? More than one third of an entire day? Where are their parents and why have they not been forcibly unplugged?

My daughter does watch (and loves) her cartoons and I do use different outlets such as a computer and television in order to distract her while I do what I need to do. But I do not think it is harmful to her, or to any child for that matter, if it is a monitored and not abused. Most days she would prefer to be with her friends or playing with me over being online or watching the boob tube. Yet it can also be a healthy down time for both of us. My thought is if it is a healthy relationship and not a medium to disengage from reality, nor does it take the place of opportunities to use their imagination, I do not think having electronics such as a television or laptop in your child’s bedroom is a negative or harmful thing. It all depends on how we as parents manage how much they use those technologies and what they are using them for. 

Tasha Schlake FestelWe have one television in the house. If I have my way - and let's be honest, I will - then one television is all we will ever have. In my house, televisions do not belong in bedrooms. They do not belong in kitchens. They do not belong in playrooms. They belong in one central place, for all in the family to see and share. As much as it royally stinks sometimes.

I am not a fan of kid TV. But every day, I watch it. I would love to have the news on for a change. Or a movie with Clive Owen, Bradley Cooper or Daniel Craig, scantily clad. But while either news or shirtless hotties would be a lovely mid-afternoon pick-me-up, it is - sadly - not appropriate for the children so I don't watch it.

There are few shows we all agree on. What we do agree on, however, are quality choices. We watch a lot of Food Network. Iron Chef is a favorite, as is Chopped, Food Network Challenge (any variety), Cupcake Wars and the now elusive Good Eats with Alton Brown. We also like a few HGTV shows like House Hunters, although this tends to make my husband and son want to gouge their eyes out eventually. A new favorite is Hillbilly Hand Fishin' on Animal Planet, but I cringe at some of the language and overall message of the show. (Really, the last thing I need to do is encourage my children to wade into murky waters and stick their hands in holes.)

As the kids get older, I find their television to be slightly more palatable, but we're talking shades of gray here. Unfortunately, my 7-year-old teenager is pushing the boundaries of what is and isn't age-appropriate viewing and is choosing shows that are, dare I say, "questionable" in quality and message. To the untrained eye, there is no difference between any of the shows on Disney XD. However, as a mother with keen powers of observation like mine, it becomes apparent that some of the shows encourage more "attitude" than others as the kids mimic the tone and language they hear. I started to hear too many phrases and jokes that didn't sound like my kids. There were no more original thoughts, just parroting. The shows became all they talked about. My kids were turning in to characters on the shows they were watching. It had to stop.

When I noticed the change in behavior, I made some changes to their television viewing habits. Disney XD is now by permission only. A show must be earned, and so far the kids respect the rules. I have noticed an improvement in their attitudes and a return to their own senses of humor. In the long list of punishments I dole out, you will never hear me threaten the revocation of all television privileges. Let's think about exactly who that punishes. I’m pretty sure it’s not the kids! I may take away a particular show, but never will I take away the whole magic box.

I like to know what my kids are watching. If we had multiple televisions, I may not know what had caused the change in their behavior. I wouldn’t know where their "jokes" originated. I think having one television makes us a little closer and forces us all to compromise. I will never have a TV in my bedroom. A bedroom is for other things: sleeping, talking, connecting. A television gets in the way of all of that. It's hard enough to do those things without the noise of an electronic roommate.

Laurie HuntI have a sort of love/hate relationship with the whole kids and TV.  I can remember as a kid getting so excited for the Wizard of Oz and Chitty Chitty Bang Bang to come on tv just once a year. My kids will never experience that thrill. On the other hand there were many a night when my kids were little and sick that I was very grateful that Sprout was a 24 hour channel. Many a night I held a sick little one in my arms and watching a show like Kipper the Dog helped us through at 2am until the Tylenol kicked in again.

My oldest was about six-months-old and loved the Baby Einstein video’s - and so did I. Sure, I read the articles that said don’t let your baby watch television until she is two as well as the ads that claimed videos like Baby Einstein would help me raise a genius child. Did I think the videos would make her smarter? Nope. What it did was allow me a blissful 20 minutes to take a shower, make dinner, etc. I’m not ashamed to admit that I have used the TV as a babysitter so I could get something done.

That same daughter was probably just about 2 years old when we set up a computer in her playroom with a fisher price keyboard over the traditional one so she could use it. Computers are a big part of our world, something my husband and I enjoy and we wanted her to enjoy it too. 

We have several TVs in our home – one in the family room, one in the living room, one in the kitchen and, yes, one in my bedroom.  Now, even with all of those TVs it is very rare more than one is on at the same time. As I type this not a one of them is even on.  The one in our bedroom is mostly used when someone is sick and the last two are almost always used as a family – in one room or the other.  

The reason I do not allow a TV in my children’s rooms is I had one in my room growing up and it was on much too late and I developed a very bad habit of falling asleep with the TV on.  I don’t want my children to do that. Additionally I read an article a long time ago that I really liked.  It talked about how today many of us have larger homes with a lot more space per person and even within our own family units we often spend too much time away from each other doing our own thing. I thought that was a good point. It also went on to say if you watch TV as a family it allows parents to be aware of what their children are watching and gives us the opportunity to discuss it with our children. 

Now, believe me, there are days the last thing I want to do is watch iCarly or a movie my eight-year-old likes for the 5th time, however, I do love that she will snuggle up to me on the couch and chat away during the show. 

I feel the similarly about the computer. We all have our own laptops.  It is rare that a computer goes upstairs and when it does my girls know I will go up and pay a surprise visit. My kids know I can, and will, pop in to check up and see what they are doing. They also know I do it not because I don’t trust them, rather because I care. The computers are not allowed in their rooms overnight, that is a strict rule. I do not want them to have the freedom to access it if they happen to wake up in the middle of the night. 

Regina MartineOnce upon a time a little girl and her brother set up their sleeping bags in front of a big console TV to watch The Wizard of Oz. If they missed it, they would have to wait a WHOLE YEAR to see it again. The horror. Back then, there were only four channels—the three networks and PBS. When I tell my kids this, the have no idea what I mean. The whole idea of certain programs being on at certain days and times is still completely foreign to them. Between DVRs, DVDs, and streaming Netflix, they have never had to wait until the show they wanted to watch was on.

My kids have never known a time when TV wasn’t “on demand,” and I have to say, I wouldn’t want it any other way. They get to watch what they want, in commercial-free, 22 minute installments. When they were younger, I could put on Dora or Little Bear and I might even get to take a whole shower. Too old for naps, but still kinda droopy after lunch? Relax and watch a Miss Spider or two, then you’ll be ready to play.

Now that they are older, they don’t “watch TV,” where they just flop on the couch and watch whatever is on. They are never lured into begging me to buy them Bendaroos or Squinkies or Trix because they never see commercials for this stuff. They watch a show, or a movie, then they do something else. Most of their TV watching happens in the early morning hours, since they all get up ridiculously early, yet are not really ready to do anything but lie on the couch. The bad side of all these choices is that TV is often the source of a lot of fights. Should it be Phineas and Ferb or the Backyardigans? The Last Airbender or Power Rangers? (Oh please, not Power Rangers.) Usually I try to end these fights by reminding them that when I was a kid, I had to watch The Dukes of Hazzard and not Little House on the Prairie, because that was what was on. I could turn that big knob all way around and even to the mysterious UHF and never find anything else to watch.

Peggy BarresiMy grandmother believed televisions in the marital bedroom would cause the death of romance. She cautioned me to keep mine in the living room, and so I have. After I had children, this edict made even more sense to me. I did not want my kids holed up in their bedrooms watching television and becoming anti-social. Television is a family activity for us. We love to curl up on the couch together, eat homemade popcorn, and watch a good show or movie.

When my first child, Leah, was little she watched PBS and educational videos (yes, videos – not DVDs.)  As she grew older, she branched out to Nickelodeon and Disney, so by the time Nina came along, there were more entertainment options in the house. Still, all shows were age-appropriate, and since they went to bed at 7 p.m., the amount of television they actually watched was not excessive. I confess I used the tube as a babysitter on many occasions, in order to get things – like dinner – done. I don’t feel guilty about that, either. They were learning and having fun. What’s wrong with that? 

Eventually, the girls graduated to older shows – the tween shows on Disney, like “Lizzie Maguire” and re-runs of “Seventh Heaven” and “Charmed” on USA Network. Then Leah discovered police procedurals when she was 14 and Nina still only 11. If you’ve ever watched “CSI” or “Law and Order,” you know this was a problem. Not only were some of the show themes pretty advanced for Leah, they were definitely out of Nina’s league. That’s when we turned the basement playroom into a teen hangout, complete with its own television. For the first time, the girls would split up to watch their shows.

Thankfully, this only lasted a short while, especially because nobody liked it. The girls would fight over who would have to go downstairs to watch their shows. Everyone wanted to stay in the living room. Never mind that “downstairs” was extremely cool and funky, with a long orange sectional from IKEA and lots of comfy pillows. The upstairs living room was their place to watch television. No other would do.

Both my girls have laptops, but they still prefer to watch their shows on the living room television. Even if we get a movie on the computer, we watch it together. Well, almost all together. Television evolution has not been kind to my husband, who abhors reality TV, which the girls and I secretly love. But there are still plenty of shows we all wait to watch together now that we can DVR them. We still save “Project Runway,” “Dexter,” “The Closer,” “Say Yes to the Dress,” and many others to watch as a family. And, with Leah in college, it somehow feels strange to just have three of us in the living room now.

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